Album: Best Before '24

Year: 2024

Track: Ram

• Martin: Hello, Martin speaking.
  
• LPC: Hi, Martin.
  
• LPC: I'm Dewey.
  
• Wig Store Woman 3: Okay.
  
• LPC: At today's Thursday, the seventeenth.
  
• Martin: Yeah.
  
• LPC: Yeah, about four fourteen p.m.
  
• LPC: I needed to bring you your RAM.
  
• Martin: My ram?
  
• LPC: Yes, I'm calling from Montpelier, Vermont.
  
• Martin: What's a ram?
  
• Martin: Oh, I think you got the wrong person.
  
• LPC: No, no.
  
• Martin: Is the guy's name Rick?
  
• Martin: Okay.
  
• Martin: Um, if I see him, I'll ask him what it's about, but, uh, well, no, I'm slated to drop off your Ram here within the next forty eight hours.
  
• Martin: No, no, no.
  
• Martin: Nope.
  
• LPC: Well, I, I've already made plans, sir.
  
• Martin: Not happening.
  
• LPC: Why is that?
  
• Martin: Why is that?
  
• LPC: Yes.
  
• Martin: I don't have to explain anything.
  
• Martin: I never asked for one.
  
• Martin: It's like you're dropping off an old jalopy Ford.
  
• Martin: You can do that, but I'm just going to have it towed away.
  
• LPC: Oh no, no, no, not a live ram.
  
• LPC: Certainly.
  
• Martin: Well, if you feel for the animal, you will not subject it to a large road trip for no reason, but we're talking grade a rare mountain grade.
  
• Martin: You can try and sell this Ram all you want to some place that can handle it.
  
• Martin: I cannot handle any more situations than I have right now.
  
• LPC: But I talked to your neighbor.
  
• Martin: Yeah, but that doesn't mean you talk to me.
  
• LPC: He assured me he did.
  
• Martin: Yeah, but he doesn't represent me.
  
• Martin: Until you speak to me, you have no right to do anything.
  
• Martin: And that's obvious.
  
• LPC: You're going to love the animal.
  
• LPC: Full stop.
  
• Martin: I may love the animal, but if I tell you full stop, I don't have resources.
  
• Martin: to care for it properly, why would you want to bring it there?
  
• LPC: Because I talked to him, and talked to him, and talked to him, and talked to him, and talked to him about what I'm saying.
  
• LPC: And that's what I was told.
  
• Martin: Yes, and I talked to Chiang Kai-shek in China, and he said he wants you to give me all of your property.
  
• Martin: That makes no sense at all.
  
• Martin: You have to talk to the principal when you do things.
  
• LPC: Just take the ram, please.
  
• LPC: It's for one week of your time.
  
• Martin: No, it's impossible.
  
• LPC: No?
  
• Martin: And I will not be doing that.
  
• Martin: And if I see a vehicle come and drop anything on my property, uh, I will be reporting them.
  
• LPC: Don't report it.
  
• LPC: This is mountain grade ram.
  
• Martin: Take your ram elsewhere.
  
• Martin: Hello?
  
• LPC: Hi, yes.
  
• LPC: Is there a good time where I could just come by and show you this ram?
  
• Martin: Not at all.
  
• LPC: Two years of age.
  
• Martin: If you trespass on my property, I will have you dealt with in the full extent of the law.
  
• LPC: Would you consider making a donation to house the animal for one week?
  
• Martin: No, I cannot do that.
  
• Martin: None of the above.
  
• LPC: Well, we're just going to come by and show the guy to you.
  
• LPC: You don't have to decide.
  
• Martin: If you do that, you will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
  
• Martin: I have cameras on the property.
  
• Martin: We'll get your license number and we'll figure out who you are.
  
• LPC: I'm going to let this ram loose all over you.
  
• LPC: How does that sound here today for a whole bunch of good news?
  
• Martin: You think imposing on other people and making a nuisance is a fun thing to do?
  
• Martin: You don't respect the fact that there are people here and you're not respecting their right to lead a relatively normal life.
  
• LPC: I've made plans here.
  
• LPC: This was all supposed to be handled.
  
• LPC: You were supposed to look after it.
  
• Martin: Your plans, unfortunately, in the grand scheme of things, are very, very insignificant.
  
• LPC: Take it up with your neighbor.
  
• LPC: He told me you were good with this.
  
• LPC: Because he told me, oh yeah, Martin's fine.
  
• LPC: He's fine.
  
• LPC: He's fine.
  
• LPC: He's fine.
  
• LPC: He's fine.
  
• LPC: He's fine.
  
• LPC: To show up over there.
  
• LPC: So that's what I'm going to do.
  
• Martin: I'm telling you, you can leave it on his property.
  
• LPC: Why don't you meet me up at the Cracker Barrel, and then you can take a look at him.
  
• LPC: That's all I'm asking.
  
• Martin: If I have to meet you with the Cracker Barrel, it will be with the law enforcement officials.
  
• LPC: I'm going to show up at seven o'clock.
  
• Martin: You show up anywhere, and you're going to have a sore posterior.
  
• Martin: I hate to tell you.
  
• Martin: Your remains will be sent back to whoever you specify.