Longmont Potion Castle 8 · 2011

Tough Shed

Track 5

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Track details

A

Aliases

• Monroe

E

Establishments

• Tough Shed

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• LPC: Hello? :
  
• LPC: Yeah, this is Monroe at Tough Shed, and we're going to be out there at 7.30 a.m. :
  
• LPC: to take dimensions and everything. :
  
• LPC: You've got to have the wrong number. :
  
• LPC: No, we don't. :
  
• LPC: And you're with Tuff Shed? :
  
• LPC: Yeah. :
  
• LPC: Yeah, but I'm- [laughs] Monroe, I'm tellin' ya. This is really weird. :
  
• LPC: Because, uh, why would I want a Tuff Shed when- when that's what we do. :
  
• LPC: We build Sheds. :
  
• LPC: We're Sheds by W.W. Jones. :
  
• LPC: You wanna se how I do it. :
  
• LPC: Is that it? :
  
• LPC: No. :
  
• LPC: Well, get in line. :
  
• LPC: I mean... Somebody somewhere has done something, because I've never even talked bad about Tuff Shed. :
  
• LPC: Nothing, ever. :
  
• LPC: I don't want a shed. :
  
• LPC: If I wanted a shed, I've got a whole yard full of sheds. :
  
• LPC: I don't want a shed. :
  
• LPC: You want us to demolish the ones you've got? :
  
• LPC: No. :
  
• LPC: Are you serious? :
  
• LPC: I have not called you, Monroe. I promise you. :
  
• LPC: I have not ordered anything from you. :
  
• LPC: I've-- I mean, I've been havin' :
  
• LPC: weird calls at my work, too. :
  
• LPC: What do you gotta say about Tuff Shed? :
  
• LPC: I don't say anything bad about Tuft Shed. :
  
• LPC: I have never said anything bad about Tuff Shed. :
  
• LPC: You wanna see how I do it. Just admit it. :
  
• LPC: I don't wanna see how you do it. We've been doing it longer than you. :
  
• LPC: Listen, I'm going to come out there. I'm going to spec you out. :
  
• LPC: I'm gonna take all your measurements. Up down and all around. :
  
• LPC: And then we're gonna get everything erected. How's that sound? :
  
• LPC: [Laughing] I did not order it. I didn't do it. I don't do this kind of stuff. :
  
• LPC: And if wanna come down here, you're not gonna erect a shed on my property. :
  
• LPC: I'm telling you that right now. :
  
• LPC: I'll be there bright and early. :
  
• LPC: You'll be here at my house at 7.30. :
  
• LPC: My pad ass is still going to be in bed. :
  
• LPC: Lady, this is Monroe. :
  
• LPC: - and If I were you, I would not start erecting any kinda shed. :
  
• LPC: Oh, no? :
  
• LPC: One address are you going to do this? :
  
• LPC: Well, the specified place. :
  
• LPC: If you come here and build a shed, you're not allowed on my property. :
  
• LPC: Do not come on my property. :
  
• LPC: 'Cause you don't even know where the hell I live with this "specified place" that you have. :
  
• LPC: Whatever! Just don't come to my house and erect "a shed", as you say, because I'm not gonna pay you for it. :
  
• LPC: Oh. :
  
• LPC: Apparently, you don't even know where I live because this 'specified location' that you have-- Just don't wake me up, 'cause I will not be awake at seven-thirty in the morning. :
  
• LPC: Who is this? Monroe. :
  
• LPC: [Laughing] I've heard that "Monroe" crap. Monroe, I've never even talked to you. I've never said anything bad about Tuff Shed. :
  
• LPC: But if you come to my house and erect a shed at seven-thirty in the morning, I feel :
  
• LPC: I'm so sorry for you. :
  
• LPC: Oh, really? :
  
• LPC: Yeah. :
  
• LPC: Let me talk to your husband. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hello. :
  
• LPC: Hi. This is Monroe at Tuff Shed. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hey Monroe. How you doin'?... :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I say how are you doin'? :
  
• LPC: It's just a courtesy call that we'll be out there at seven-thirty bright and early tomorrow to get your specs for your, uh, Tuff Shed. :
  
• LPC: I think you've got a mistake there. :
  
• LPC: We're going to be there at 7.m. tomorrow to take your measurements. :
  
• LPC: Get your spec. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: You're going to be here at 7.30 in the morning, and you're going to be in jail at 8 o'clock. :
  
• LPC: Why's that? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I haven't signed nothin' from Tuff Shed. I am a shed company. We own a shed company. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: W. Debbie DeV. Jones was cooperating. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Been there for years and years and years. :
  
• LPC: I've been on the job for twelve years. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, you need to go a little while longer. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I've been in the same location for thirty-eight years. And I ain't got nothin' against Tuff Shed. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Don't get me wrong. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: But I don't need a shed built here at my place. :
  
• LPC: Well, then I need a deposit at the very least. :
  
• LPC: I'm through doin' things on spec for you people. :
  
• LPC: We got ladies callin' me up and tellin' me this and that and- :
  
• SPEAKER_01: My lady didn't call you- Er, you called her. :
  
• LPC: What are ya, wacky? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: No! You the fuckin' one's wacky. :
  
• LPC: Listen, man. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to tell you, sir, I'm a shed manufacturin' company and I get along with Tuff Sheds, so :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I ain't got nothing bad to say about you whatsoever. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: None. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: We're both in the shed business but we ain't order no shed. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: If we want a shan, we want a shab. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: We've got sheds. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I've got a hundred something I'm upsetting. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I've got fuckin' sheds if I wanted one. :
  
• LPC: I'm going to whoop you. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Come on. :
  
• LPC: What the hell? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: You got to come from. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: You better come from California if you're gon' try that shit. :
  
• LPC: I'm- I work all around the country. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Oh, good time. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: You ain't seen the hillbill inside, have you? :
  
• LPC: I'm number one. :
  
• LPC: And I got some new designs that are gonna drive you wild, friend. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, that's- Say- I don't know why you feel that way. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: If we could work on it as a partnership, we'd probably make more money. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Than we would fightin' each other. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Why the fuck would you wanna fight me? :
  
• LPC: 'Cause I'll whoop you! :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Why are you going to whoop me? :
  
• LPC: We got the toughest sheds in the business. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I've got the toughest sheds in the business. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: That's right. :
  
• LPC: No, I do. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Ah, no- Are they DCA approved? :
  
• LPC: Well, I don't know what that means, but listen. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, you should know 'cause that's the Florida law. :
  
• LPC: I got a motorcycle and a ramp, and I jump off, and I jump off, and I land off, :
  
• LPC: on the shed. Boom. It's - :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Motorcycle and a ramp don't mean shit to the State of Florida. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: If you're DCA approved, which is from the Department of Community Affairs of the State of Florida, :
  
• SPEAKER_01: and I've been it - approved and buildin' DCA shed for the past ten, fifteen years. :
  
• LPC: [Sniffle] We are tough, man. And durable. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I don't think the main office at Tuff Sheds would- would appreciate whoever you are. :
  
• LPC: Oh, I'm the number one sales leader. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm telling me how bad you're going to come over here and beat my ass up because they've been a lot of guys try that bullshit over the past 68 years. :
  
• LPC: Well, let's find out which location we're supposed to be at. :
  
• LPC: You better not be bad-mouthed and toughshed up there. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Who's bad-mouthed and tough shit? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Ain't nobody. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I ain't have to bad mouth you. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Nobody has. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I ain't got no reason to, man. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: We own our own damn company. We do our own damn thing. :
  
• LPC: I'm going to kick your damn shave. :
  
• LPC: How's that sound? :
  
• LPC: Said kick my shed with your boots. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: So, man, you're welcome. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: try that any day you want to. :
  
• LPC: You could try it on mine and you're gonna bounce backwards. Real fast. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Why the hell you talkin' like this, man? :
  
• LPC: Because we're tough. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Oh, man, they don't need to be in a tough. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: You don't have to be tough to be a Tuff Shed. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: You can be normal. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm a shit, but then W.W. Jones Incorporated. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: And you're tough sheds. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Why the hell we want to fight each other? :
  
• LPC: It's a case of tough shit for you. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: You're gonna be right here at my address in the mornin', right? :
  
• LPC: Yep, bright and early. :
  
• LPC: And I need you front and center with your checkbook, okay? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Stent in front of the checkbook. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Oh, I'll most certainly do that. :
  
• LPC: I'm actually driving right now. :
  
• LPC: so you're actually creating a hazard for me with- :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well you should just stop and go to bed some place 'cause you gonna have a hell of a fight tomorrow. :
  
• LPC: You're not going to be fighting for long. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I've been fighting for 68 years. :
  
• LPC: Buddy, I got a ramp, I got a motorcycle, I got a helmet. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I got a tractor. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I've got two tractors! :
  
• SPEAKER_01: No, mean shit. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: We'll talk to something. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Sheds tomorrow. They just informed me that's not saying nothing else to you, and we're going to talk to tough sheds first time anymore. :
  
• LPC: I'm gonna strap you on the back of my bike and we're gonna do a demonstration together and we'll see who comes out prevailing. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I don't know motorists. I would ride one of them, son, on the pitches if I had one for free. :
  
• LPC: I'm going to strap you on. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm not ridin' on no damn motorcycle with ya, son. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: No. :
  
• LPC: No. :
  
• LPC: This is Monroe and I'm through doing things on sp- :
  
• LPC: {?} Monroe, you hung up on my wife the last time, she said. :
  
• LPC: She hung up on my ass. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: She hung up on your ass. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: You hung up on her son. :
  
• LPC: Look, I'm through working on spec for you, people. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Monroe, I ain't order nothin' from you. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I ain't order nothing from Tuckshazz. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I ain't order nothin' from Home Depot. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I ain't order nothin' from no-damn-body. :
  
• LPC: You're bananas, man. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Goddamn right :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm bananas. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: You wastin' your time. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: You called the wrong person. :
  
• LPC: What are you talkin' smack about Tuff Shed for? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I ain't talkin' smack about Tuff Sheds! :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Why don't we anything used to, sir? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I don't even know you. :
  
• LPC: You're slanderin' me. :
  
• LPC: I ain't slanderin' no one. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Don't have to slander anyone. :
  
• LPC: I'm going to kick your butt. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: You best off just come your ass on over tomorrow like you planned and- and get it kicked :
  
• SPEAKER_01: and then you can go home and tell your folks about it. :
  
• LPC: I'm fixin' to whoop your ass. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Look, mother, :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm out. :