Longmont Potion Castle 13 · 2017

Historical Hair

Track 7

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Track details

A

Aliases

• Brent Friend
• Juan Friend

E

Establishments

• UPS

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• SPEAKER_01: Hello? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hello. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yes, hello. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yes, Hello. This is Juan Friend with United Parcel Service. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yeah. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: We've been trying to come through, sir, for several days, and no one answered the door. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: I mean, there's somebody home. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: We were probably out in back. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Oh, in back, huh? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: So you guys don't have a functional doorbell? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: What's a good time, sir, to come by? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: This will be the third attempt, now. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: Uhhhh, are you in the area today? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm on McHardy(?) Road, currently. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I got seven or eight stops, :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I could be there between 8 and 9 p.m. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: Sure. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: This is UPS? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yes, sir. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Juan Friend is my name. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm a driver. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: It's from historical hair, the parcel. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: And what's the address you have? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Historical hair. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: they do period piece wigs from all different points...in time. (sound effects) Ok? :
  
• SPEAKER_04: I never ordered nothing. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I deliver for them all the time, actually. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Maybe you're not much of a history buff, :
  
• SPEAKER_01: but they do all kinds of historical wigs, all kinds of things. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay, so you're going to be there about 9, 10 p.m.? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: No, I'm not. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: You're not now. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I don't know who you are. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I don't know who you are. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: What seems to be the troubaloper? :
  
• SPEAKER_04: What was that? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: This will be our fourth attempt, :
  
• SPEAKER_01: sir. We're trying to get this delivered for ya. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: Uh, let me, uh, is this a good number to call you at? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm behind the steering wheel right now, guy. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to help ya. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: This is actually my day off. Our driver's sick today, so I had to lend a hand. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: You know something? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: What's up? :
  
• SPEAKER_04: Uh, why don't you take one hand off the wheel? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yeah. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: And shove a finger up your ass. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hey, historical hair. They're friends of mine. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: I don't give a shit. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: I'm turning you. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: your number over to the state police. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: Hey, Guy, Leo, is it? :
  
• SPEAKER_04: No, no. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: You understand me? :
  
• SPEAKER_04: I'm giving this number. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: I'm calling the state police as soon as I get done talking to you, and I'm giving them your number. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Whoa, whoa, whoa. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: history, if you don't know anything about history, you wouldn't know historic hair. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: They do all kinds wigs, and powdered wigs, :
  
• SPEAKER_01: It's real neat. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Why don't ya check it out, instead of being so unprofessional. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: No. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: You're unprofessional. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: Hey, hey, hey, go. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: You're unprofessional. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: You're unprofessional. Am I understood? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hello? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yes, I'm Brent Friend, I'm a statewide manager at UPS. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: Well, this is somebody else now. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: We have a package from Historical Hair for ya. We're tryin' to deliver it today. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: What's the problem up there, sir? :
  
• SPEAKER_04: What's your problem?!? What, uh, uh, UPS when they come here, they drop a tag off at the door :
  
• SPEAKER_04: if there's nobody home. Now, I don't know what kind of scam you're running. I told your :
  
• SPEAKER_04: friend I'm gonna turn these numbers over to the state police. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: What? :
  
• SPEAKER_04: What? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: have Historical Hair, parcel of historic wigs, that you ordered... :
  
• SPEAKER_04: Na, ah, I didn't order nothin'. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: Let me talk to your supervisor. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Ok, one moment. :
  
• SPEAKER_02: Hello. :
  
• SPEAKER_02: Who is this? :
  
• SPEAKER_02: Hello. :
  
• SPEAKER_02: Hello. :
  
• SPEAKER_02: Yeah. :
  
• SPEAKER_03: What's your name? :
  
• SPEAKER_03: Okay. :
  
• SPEAKER_03: If you don't know my name, you wouldn't be calling here. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: Planet, I don't let you speak up you. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: Frank. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: You show up at my house. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: I'm calling the police department. :
  
• SPEAKER_04: Do you understand that? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hello. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hi. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: My name's Juan Friend. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I got a lot of historical hair, wigs, civil war, all kinds of period pieces I'm trying to get rid of. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: Yeah, you'd have to call up the punch off. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: We can probably schedule it for it. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: Okay? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Ah, nice. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I got a twenty foot long wig, actually. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: It was mean for like a Crystal Gayle type... :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hello. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hey, what's the big idea, bro? :
  
• SPEAKER_05: Ok, dude, you know, you know, I'm with my kids right now, :
  
• SPEAKER_05: I'm with my kids. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: We're going to work? :
  
• SPEAKER_05: so obviously, obviously you, how old are you? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Me? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm 22, sir. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: So, do you live with your parents? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I live with my great-grandmother. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: She's 109. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: She's 100. She's 100. She's how old she is. She has. She turned me on to some of this wig stuff. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: She gave me a 20-foot wig, a civil war wig. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: Ok, so, so , this is what you do with your life? :
  
• SPEAKER_05: So obviously you don't have a job either. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I don't wear wigs, I'm trying to sell them, i guess you... :
  
• SPEAKER_05: So you don't have a job, okay, and you prank phone call people and think it's funny when you're 22 years old. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: I'm just saying dude, do you see a problem with that? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I need money. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Do you? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I need these wigs sold, like, yesterday. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: Okay, so you really, I mean, do it. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: mean just think about it. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay, okay. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: I mean, think about how really super cool you're acting right now. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: I mean, I mean, how, I mean it's so cool that you can prank phone call somebody, and be funny. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, how, well, how, you know what I mean, dude? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I mean, you know what I mean, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, you know what you're acting? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: How much can I expect to make here? Monetarily? (echo). :
  
• SPEAKER_05: You know dude, I mean it's ummm, obviously you got a lot of growing up to do. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: I mean, really, dude, I mean, sit back and look at your life. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: Right now you could probably be out trying to get a job or something like that. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Crystal Gayle, I mean there's some Crystal Gayle Halloween fanatics out there :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'd love this. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: Well, no, think, think about it dude. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: Think about it. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: You're 22 years old and you're trying to make a prank phone call. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: to sound cool. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I got wigs up the yin yang, guy. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: That's what you don't seem to comprehend here. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: No, I completely comprehend. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: I understand that you're a young guy who has probably grown up without a father or something :
  
• SPEAKER_05: like that, because you have, umm...You know he would have probably taught you that this was a stupid :
  
• SPEAKER_05: thing to do. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Ahh, I see what you're sayin'. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: Okay. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: It's not cool, really, to call up people and fuck with their lives. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: You know, it's not. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Do you want to talk to my grandmother? :
  
• SPEAKER_05: I'm going to, I'm going to my young. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: young kids and my grandkids right now. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: Okay? :
  
• SPEAKER_05: And you're calling me up and wanting to make a joke of your day over me. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I've got historical hair. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I've got 20-foot wigs. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I got everything you need. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I got everything you need. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: So, so what? :
  
• SPEAKER_05: K, I just wanna, so what does this do for you? :
  
• SPEAKER_05: I want to know. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm looking to make some money today. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I need it like yesterday. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: No, no, I want to know what this does for you. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I don't wear. :
  
• SPEAKER_05: I don't wear. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: What does it do for you? :
  
• SPEAKER_05: What does it do for you? :
  
• SPEAKER_05: for you? What does it do for you? What does it do for you? What does it do for you? :
  
• SPEAKER_05: So you can't even answer the question. Because you're just an immature kid who probably grew up without a dad and :
  
• SPEAKER_05: what does it do? And you're just, you're lost in the world. Okay, so dude, my suggestion is, dude, :
  
• SPEAKER_05: go get a job and then maybe, maybe get an apartment. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hello? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: (LPC) Yeah, this is Brent, United Parcel Service. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to schedule a delivery up 'ere. :
  
• SPEAKER_03: What kind of delivery? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Ah, from Historical Hair. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: They got all kinds of wigs from the Civil War, this era, that, or all kinds of different wigs. :
  
• SPEAKER_03: Well, I don't want none of them wig. What do I want a wig for? :
  
• SPEAKER_03: I never purchased it's a wig? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yes, ya did. :
  
• SPEAKER_03: No, I didn't. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm in the truck, I'm on my way up 'ere right now. :
  
• SPEAKER_03: Pst, well come on up, but I didn't purchase no wig. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, it's COD. :
  
• SPEAKER_03: Well, it's C.O.D. :
  
• SPEAKER_03: Well, I ain't got no cash. :
  
• SPEAKER_03: I've had this call a million times. :
  
• SPEAKER_03: I'm out workin' on my hot rod, :
  
• SPEAKER_03: I'll be right in the driveway. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Ok, well just give me the credit card number and uh... :
  
• SPEAKER_03: Hah, I ain't givin' you no credit card number. :
  
• SPEAKER_03: You must think I'm stupid. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hey, It's none of my business :
  
• SPEAKER_01: If you order wigs or figs or twigs, I don't care what you order. :
  
• SPEAKER_03: So don't even bring 'er up, 'cause I ain't givin' you no credit card number, no nothin'. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm not coming up there without a credit card payment. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Just read it. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: to me now. :
  
• SPEAKER_02: Zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, dash. :
  
• SPEAKER_02: Zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, dash. :
  
• SPEAKER_02: Zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Ron, just give me what I need. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: gimme the information I neeeeed. :
  
• SPEAKER_03: Ah, I'm givin' you nothing, and I don't need no wig, or whatever you're bringing up. :
  
• SPEAKER_03: Figs or whatever it is. :
  
• SPEAKER_03: I didn't order it. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Historic hair. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: They got wigs from the Civil War. The Elizabethan :
  
• SPEAKER_01: They're, they got wigs from everywhere, everywhere. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Give me the information that I neeeed. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I need the long number for your credit card, and then I'll be up there with your merchandise. Ok? (effects throughout). :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I don't want. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay? :
  
• SPEAKER_03: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. :
  
• SPEAKER_03: Why are you causing a problem for me? :
  
• SPEAKER_03: I never ordered nothing. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: For you? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: For you? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: What do you mean for you? (echo). :
  
• SPEAKER_03: You. :
  
• SPEAKER_02: Keep that wig, wig, wig, wig, wig, wig, wig, wig, wig. :
  
• SPEAKER_02: Good bye. - :