LPC: Hello?

LPC: Yes this is Feeley with United Parcel Service. (echo)

LPC: Yes?

LPC: With UPS, sir.

LPC: Uhh, we've tried to come out there twice, for a shipment...

LPC: Outwear, sir.

LPC: Uhh, I'm in Culver City at the district headquarters.

LPC: We've got Plaster of Paris.

LPC: What's the address you're trying to deliver to, sir?

LPC: It's a big cluster of parcels we've got.

LPC: and uh, just wanted to know when you're gonna be around t...

LPC: What is the address you're trying to deliver to?

LPC: I don't know who you are.

LPC: What is the address you're trying to deliver to?

LPC: My name is Feeley.

LPC: I'm a regional manager at UPS. And uh...

LPC: Ok, and what is the address you are trying to deliver to?

LPC: We're at 3220 Olympic Boulevard.

LPC: I don't need your address.

LPC: I need to know what address you are trying to deliver the package to.

LPC: This thing is C.O.D.

LPC: We've been out there twice.

LPC: Then it's not to me.

LPC: It says it for Mister Sutherlander, and uhh...

LPC: I afforded nothing C.

LPC: and it's not for me.

LPC: It's from the Ho-Ho House.

LPC: And it's Plaster of Paris.

LPC: Now, what plaster of Paris is, is a compound?

LPC: ...I know what plaster of paris is.

LPC: I'm not paying for anything C.O.D., and I have not ordered anything, so...

LPC: Well, our driver is coming back en route to you with an interpreter.

LPC: He is English as a second language.

LPC: He's Bangladeshi.

LPC: And us, just need to see some identification when he gets there.

LPC: And again, I'm not going to be here.

LPC: I can't express to you strongly enough.

LPC: I ordered nothing. And I am not accepting anything C.O.D.

LPC: Well, what Plaster of Paris is, it's a compound.

LPC: It can't dry.

LPC: it has to be conta...

LPC: I know what Plaster of Paris is.

LPC: but send it back to whoever sent it.

LPC: I did not order it.

LPC: I've got your signature.

LPC: I've got you digital signature.

LPC: You do not have my signature, and you do not have my digital signature, because I don't have a computer.

LPC: That's impossible. Uh,

LPC: Give me the name of whoever I can call that is above you.

LPC: It's from the Ho-ho House, sir.

LPC: I don't care.

LPC: I don't know what that is.

LPC: And you're telling me I'm accepting a parcel C.O.D., and that is just not true.

LPC: I have never signed nor ordered for anything like that.

LPC: You cannot give me the address where I live, so clearly it's not coming to me.

LPC: I've given you the address.

LPC: And I'm telling you, I don't know what that address is.

LPC: That's not where we're located.

LPC: That's where we're located.

LPC: We've been here for 32 years at the same location.

LPC: That's where you're located.

LPC: If someone was sending me something and they knew me, they'd be sending it.

LPC: and my address.

LPC: I'm telling you, send it back to whoever sent it to you, it is not mine.

LPC: It's yours.

LPC: you could pick it up from our dock if you'd prefer.

LPC: I'm not picking anything up.

LPC: I didn't order anything.

LPC: It's not for me.

LPC: Check or credit card required.

LPC: Okay.

LPC: So if you could bring that with you.

LPC: And...I'm not doing any such thing. Umm,

LPC: You can send the package back, but I did not order it, nor is it mine.

LPC: I'm a regional manager.

LPC: Plaster of Paris is what the contents are.

LPC: I'm looking right at...

LPC: I don't care.

LPC: I'm telling you, someone has sent you something that I have nothing to do with, nor do I want.

LPC: I'm looking right at the packing slip.

LPC: And you can't tell me my address or my name.

LPC: I work as an actor.

LPC: I am, uh, relatively famous,

LPC: I can not tell you who sent this to you,

LPC: it has nothing to do with me is all I'm saying to help you out.

LPC: So this is an act, you're saying.

LPC: How do you want us to proceed?

LPC: is my question.

LPC: Hello?

LPC: Yes, this is a story.

LPC: Weenie with UPS.

LPC: Yeah, and I said, I'm not

LPC: picking up the package. I did not order it.

LPC: And I said, have a great day.

LPC: What's the trouble out here, sir.

LPC: I didn't order it. I have no idea what you're talking about.

LPC: And I did not ask anything. I don't know what the whole whole house is.

LPC: I don't need a secondary language interpreter to explain to me what it is.

LPC: and I'm certainly not paying for something that is not mine.

LPC: That's why I'm calling.

LPC: I'm a statewide manager for United Parcel Service.

LPC: You were a regional manager two seconds ago, but OK.

LPC: That was my associate. I'm the manager here.

LPC: Ok. And my name is Kiefer Sutherland, and people send stuff all the time.

LPC: I have not ordered this. I do not want it.

LPC: I have been told by our vice president we can take PayPal.

LPC: I'm not paying you anything.

LPC: Well, what is the hold up here? You said you're putting on an act...

LPC: Send it back to whoever sent it to you.

LPC: Are you putting on an act of some kind, is what I've been told.

LPC: that's why the interpreter's involved.

LPC: Sir, do you want to pick it up, or have it delivered?

LPC: I do not want either.

LPC: If you persist on bothering me, I will have my lawyer returning your call at this number.

LPC: What is your name again?

LPC: I'm Sweeney.

LPC: What is your first name?

LPC: That is my first name.

LPC: Sir Dixon.

LPC: What is your last name?

LPC: Sweeney Dixon.

LPC: Excellent.

LPC: I'll have someone call you right back.

LPC: I can give you my direct line.

LPC: it's my DID line.

LPC: But can I get the credit card number first just to...

LPC: Absolutely not.

LPC: What is your number?

LPC: 1-800 pick you.

LPC: It's 1-800-7-4-2-5-8-77.

LPC: And we need a credit card or a personal check.

LPC: You're not getting either, but I'll have a lawyer call you right back.

LPC: Why?

Aliases