Longmont Potion Castle 11 · 2014

LPC 11 Medley 1

Track 4 · Type: 📞 Call

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Track details

A

Aliases

• Bill Murray
• Harry
• Jack Maniaci
• Ricky
• Trinidad

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• LPC: Hello, this is Nick. :
  
• LPC: My name's Trinidad. I'm with UPS. :
  
• LPC: Okay. :
  
• LPC: And i've been trying to do a delivery here, uh, since Friday and no one's picked up, or answered the door bell. :
  
• LPC: Your name's Trinidad? :
  
• LPC: Yes. :
  
• LPC: Oh, I'm here. :
  
• LPC: This is on dry ice, and it's COD $88.28.28 here today. :
  
• LPC: Oh, I think you might have the wrong address. :
  
• LPC: This is Harry? :
  
• LPC: Yeah, my name is Nick Harrington. :
  
• LPC: There ya go! :
  
• LPC: You have something that's on ice? :
  
• LPC: It's Tasmanian syrup on dry ice. :
  
• LPC: Weird. Yeah, I don't know anything about that. :
  
• LPC: I hear that all the time. :
  
• LPC: Ahh, so, uh, turn your stereo down, and I'll turn around and come back. :
  
• LPC: Ok, well, I mean when are you gonna be here? :
  
• LPC: I'm gonna be there when I get done eating lunch. :
  
• LPC: And so I need a check prepared or a money order. :
  
• LPC: Yeah, no. :
  
• LPC: No, this doesn't sound right to me. :
  
• LPC: I didn't order any of this. :
  
• LPC: I have no idea what you're talking about. :
  
• LPC: You're Harry, right? :
  
• LPC: No, I'm Nick. :
  
• LPC: My last name is Harrington. :
  
• LPC: Well there ya go. :
  
• LPC: There I go what? :
  
• LPC: Look, I've been working here for months now. :
  
• LPC: Hello? :
  
• LPC: This is UPS. What appears to be the trouble up here? :
  
• LPC: Hello, this is UPS? :
  
• LPC: Can you talk to me about this a little bit now? :
  
• LPC: Can you talk to me about it? :
  
• LPC: What is this background repeating? :
  
• LPC: What is that background sound that I'm hearing? :
  
• LPC: My background? :
  
• LPC: I'm a deliveryman. :
  
• LPC: professional deliveryman. :
  
• LPC: Uhh, been here for about three and a half months. :
  
• LPC: And I've got a big tub of Tasmanian Syrup :
  
• LPC: that you ordered that I need payment for. :
  
• LPC: I need it today. :
  
• LPC: Ok, well I didn't order that, :
  
• LPC: So you've got to go in a different correct. :
  
• LPC: What's your background? :
  
• LPC: What? :
  
• LPC: Hey, man, listen, stop calling me. :
  
• LPC: I don't know what this syrup thing you're talking about is, :
  
• LPC: but I have no interest in having syrup. Stop calling. :
  
• LPC: This is Harry. :
  
• LPC: I'm a supervisor. :
  
• LPC: here at UPS. :
  
• LPC: Apparently you've had some trouble with our driver? :
  
• LPC: What is your name, sir? :
  
• LPC: Harry, I'm a supervisor here at United Parcel Service. :
  
• LPC: Okay. :
  
• LPC: If you're a supervisor at UPS, :
  
• LPC: can you give me a contact number there :
  
• LPC: that I could call to confirm that? :
  
• LPC: Uh, who's the manager here, :
  
• LPC: You or me? :
  
• LPC: Are you fucking kidding me right now? :
  
• LPC: I've been out of town for a week. :
  
• LPC: I never ordered any fucking syrup. :
  
• LPC: And I don't appreciate you calling me :
  
• LPC: and telling me I have to have a check ready for you :
  
• LPC: for something I didn't fucking order. :
  
• LPC: Can I just ask you a question, sir? Tru... :
  
• LPC: Sure. :
  
• LPC: True or false? :
  
• LPC: You're full of excuses. :
  
• LPC: True or false. :
  
• LPC: Because... :
  
• LPC: It's so weird. :
  
• LPC: Your name is Terry, and you work for UPS? :
  
• LPC: Yes, it is. :
  
• LPC: Okay. :
  
• LPC: Yeah. :
  
• LPC: And, and, what location do you work for, please? :
  
• LPC: I'm a veteran. :
  
• LPC: I mean, I appreciate you being a veteran, :
  
• LPC: but why don't you tell me :
  
• LPC: what location you work for? :
  
• LPC: I'm out of the Appalachian Division. :
  
• LPC: I'm out of the Appalachian. :
  
• LPC: I'm out of the Appalachian... :
  
• LPC: So why don't you step up to the plate, :
  
• LPC: quit horsing around, :
  
• LPC: and cut a check to our driver when he come back? :
  
• LPC: Is this really how you call people, telling them this shit? :
  
• LPC: If you work for UPS, you wouldn't talk to people like that...(dog :
  
• LPC: So this is just bullshit. :
  
• LPC: I want you to put your dog away. :
  
• LPC: I want you to turn your stereo off, and I want you to sit tight. :
  
• LPC: I don't give a fuck what you want me to do. :
  
• LPC: I don't want you to sit inside. :
  
• LPC: - Alright bro, :
  
• LPC: Come on over. :
  
• LPC: Hello? :
  
• LPC: Come over and out. :
  
• LPC: You want, hello? :
  
• LPC: I'm Jack Maniacky. :
  
• LPC: I'm a district manager. :
  
• LPC: I don't give a fuck. :
  
• LPC: ...United Parcel Service :
  
• LPC: I don't give a fuck. :
  
• LPC: I don't give a fuck. :
  
• LPC: You've called me five. :
  
• LPC: times now with a different name every single time. :
  
• LPC: If you want to come to my house, try stepping on my property. :
  
• LPC: Come to my house. :
  
• LPC: This is my first time calling you. :
  
• LPC: I don't know what you're referring too. :
  
• LPC: I don't give a fuck. :
  
• LPC: I've had three different names given to me from UPS. :
  
• LPC: I think you're full of shit. :
  
• LPC: telling me about some Tasmanian Syrup. :
  
• LPC: I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about. :
  
• LPC: And then you're telling me I have to have a check up for you :
  
• LPC: when you come to my house, ask you things you can lunch. :
  
• LPC: Come to my house, bro. :
  
• LPC: Fucking come to my house. :
  
• LPC: My name's Jack Maniacky. :
  
• LPC: I'm not a driver. :
  
• LPC: I'm a regional manager. :
  
• LPC: I don't care. :
  
• LPC: Do you understand that? :
  
• LPC: What is your fucking problem here? :
  
• LPC: You've got a surcharge. :
  
• LPC: You've got a poor attitude. :
  
• LPC: I've got a poor attitude, really. :
  
• LPC: Yeah. :
  
• LPC: Stop calling me. :
  
• LPC: Stop calling here... :
  
• LPC: Our driver's been out there four times. :
  
• LPC: What would you call it? :
  
• LPC: I don't care. :
  
• LPC: I didn't order this stuff. :
  
• LPC: You do your job? :
  
• LPC: I'm going to do mine. :
  
• LPC: Your driver's getting paid. :
  
• LPC: Who lets a man get paid for driving around? :
  
• LPC: I don't give a shit. :
  
• LPC: I didn't order this fucking syrup. :
  
• LPC: Stop calling me. :
  
• LPC: I don't believe you, first of all. :
  
• LPC: It doesn't matter. :
  
• LPC: matter if you believe me or not. :
  
• LPC: I see this kind of thing all the time. :
  
• LPC: People change their mind. :
  
• LPC: They bounce checks. :
  
• LPC: I've been out of town for a week. :
  
• LPC: I don't even eat Tasmanian Syrup. :
  
• LPC: I use real Vermont :
  
• LPC: maple syrup. :
  
• LPC: I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. :
  
• LPC: Stop calling me. :
  
• LPC: Can I just ask you a question? :
  
• LPC: Sure. :
  
• LPC: True or false? :
  
• LPC: You're full of excuses. :
  
• LPC: True or false? :
  
• LPC: Oh my gosh, dude. :
  
• LPC: Stop calling me. :
  
• LPC: That's it. :
  
• LPC: I'm gonna report this to the police, alright? :
  
• LPC: I'm going to send you to Tasmania :
  
• LPC: and you can go to the source on this stuff. :
  
• LPC: What do you say to that? :
  
• LPC: Cool. :
  
• LPC: Bring it to my house. :
  
• LPC: I'll bring it. :
  
• LPC: I'll bring it to your chin bone. :
  
• LPC: What do you think of that? :
  
• LPC: I'm going to send you to Tasmania. :
  
• LPC: He said he's gonna bring it to my chin bone. :
  
• LPC: Yeah. :
  
• LPC: I think you're bananas, fella. :
  
• LPC: I really do. :
  
• LPC: That's fine. :
  
• LPC: you can think I'm bananas all you want. :
  
• LPC: I mean, I don't really care if you want to come to my house and bring this fucking weird :
  
• LPC: Tasmanian syrup here. :
  
• LPC: I don't care. :
  
• LPC: Come to my house, bro. :
  
• LPC: Well, it's about time to start caring because we're trying to do our job here. :
  
• LPC: I'm here. :
  
• LPC: I don't know why you're still talking to me. :
  
• LPC: I'm telling you I'm here right now. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: If you want to come to my house, I'll deny the package... :
  
• LPC: I'm going to whoop you in there. :
  
• LPC: I'm going to whoop you in there. :
  
• LPC: You're going to woo me, huh? :
  
• LPC: All right. :
  
• LPC: Well, if you have a package to deliver here, I'll just deny it. :
  
• LPC: and that person delivering it can continue to get paid. :
  
• LPC: There's nothing to deny. :
  
• LPC: You made the order, end of discussion. :
  
• LPC: Okay, so bring it to my house then if I did. :
  
• LPC: Go ahead. :
  
• LPC: Bring it. :
  
• LPC: Fine. :
  
• LPC: Who's full of excuses? :
  
• LPC: You or me? :
  
• LPC: Oh, my gosh, dude. :
  
• LPC: This is a waste of my time. :
  
• LPC: I have to go about my day. :
  
• LPC: You're wasting our time. :
  
• LPC: with these falsified orders that you're placing in Tasmania or wherever else you go. :
  
• LPC: (sigh) I just came into town last night from being away for a week. :
  
• LPC: I don't know what the hell you're talking about. :
  
• LPC: I hear that every day. :
  
• LPC: 'oh I was here, :
  
• LPC: I was there. :
  
• LPC: I was everywhere else.' :
  
• LPC: But where you're supposed to be is answering the doorbell. :
  
• LPC: You feel me? :
  
• LPC: I was here. :
  
• LPC: I was there. :
  
• LPC: I was going to get around. :
  
• LPC: No, I don't feel you, bro. :
  
• LPC: I don't know. :
  
• LPC: who...you just sound like an ignorant, ignorant ass right now... :
  
• LPC: Is that a matter of about it? :
  
• LPC: ...who says he works for the United Postal Service. :
  
• LPC: Who's ignorant? :
  
• LPC: It's United Parcel Service, not Postal Service. :
  
• LPC: Okay, sure. :
  
• LPC: parcel service. :
  
• LPC: Don't give a fuck. :
  
• LPC: I don't know what the fuck you want from me, but I have nothing to say to you. :
  
• LPC: I'm not going to pay you. :
  
• LPC: I don't know you. :
  
• LPC: I didn't order this product. :
  
• LPC: Who's ignorant? :
  
• LPC: Me or you? :
  
• LPC: Oh, my gosh. :
  
• LPC: You can't even remember three words. :
  
• LPC: Hello? :
  
• LPC: Hi, this is, uh, Ricky. :
  
• LPC: We’ve got a neighborhood coalition going, for… :
  
• LPC: What are you doing? :
  
• LPC: We’re building a robotic arm, and we’re trying to raise some funds here. :
  
• LPC: Okay, does the robotic arm give hand jobs? :
  
• LPC: Uh, well it does about 440 words per minute on a keyboard. :
  
• LPC: Uh-huh. :
  
• LPC: It's a good way to start, I figured. :
  
• LPC: So can we count on you for a pledge here? :
  
• LPC: Oh, yeah, sure. :
  
• LPC: Okay. :
  
• LPC: Hello? :
  
• LPC: Miss… Yes. Can we please put this together for the robotic arm? :
  
• LPC: It types 440 words a minute. :
  
• LPC: It's amazing. :
  
• LPC: That's him playing. :
  
• LPC: It’s just an example of what this thing can do. :
  
• LPC: It can do anything you want. :
  
• LPC: Anything I want. :
  
• LPC: Okay. :
  
• LPC: Hello? :
  
• LPC: Yeah, I missed out on the credit card number there, Miss, for the donation. :
  
• LPC: Oh, okay. :
  
• LPC: I’m gonna donate three boxes of cat shit, to your project. :
  
• LPC: Uh, could you please be professional, ma’am? :
  
• LPC: Oh, okay, yeah. :
  
• LPC: That is very professional. :
  
• LPC: because I’ll even deliver it to you. :
  
• LPC: Are you on board? :
  
• LPC: Uh, I told you, I’m totally on board with three boxes of cat shit, and I will deliver it to you. :
  
• LPC: Well that’s not needed, :
  
• LPC: we’ll send a representative up ‘ere. You guys can dance, :
  
• LPC: What do you think? :
  
• LPC: (Laughs) I think I got better shit to do, :
  
• LPC: Bye. :
  
• LPC: I doubt it. :
  
• LPC: Hello. :
  
• LPC: Hi, Jeremy? :
  
• SPEAKER_00: Yes. :
  
• LPC: Hi, this is Bill Murray. :
  
• LPC: How are ya? :
  
• SPEAKER_00: Bill. :
  
• SPEAKER_00: It’s good to hear your voice. :
  
• LPC: Same here! I’m in Chicago, I have a place in California, I got your number from :
  
• LPC: Matt Dillon. And I got a charity event coming up, and I wanted to invite you down. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, unfortunately, this isn't, Bill, and I wish it was. Oh, I am. I wish I wasn't sometimes, :
  
• LPC: but it's for the society, for prevention of cruelty to animals. I have a giant boxing ring :
  
• LPC: that I’ve built. It’s right off Mulholland Drive, and it’s me, you, :
  
• LPC: Chris Elliott, and we just get in there, beat the hell out of each other, and raise some money. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: (Laughs) I think it’s a great idea man. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: You know, why don’t you pencil me in for the twelfth of never. :
  
• LPC: Uh-huh. :
  
• LPC: We’ve also got Cyndi Lauper and Blythe Danner, :
  
• LPC: they’re gonna get in there and just beat the hell out of each other, :
  
• LPC: Raise a few dollars. :
  
• SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's great. :
  
• SPEAKER_00: Hold on a second, and then you're going to give me that minute and 18 seconds, bye. :
  
• SPEAKER_00: Cobrasides. :
  
• LPC: Yeah, man. :
  
• LPC: you guys got any stencils up 'ere? :
  
• LPC: This is your neighbor. We got a band, Tweak Deacon, and we're just tryin' to stencil it out. :
  
• SPEAKER_00: I don't, I..I..It's not ringing any bells, to be honest. :
  
• LPC: Do you have, like, $10, $15? We get somebody else to make a stencil for us? :
  
• SPEAKER_00: I'm not following this conversation at all. I'm sorry. :
  
• LPC: Well, Tweak Deacon is our band. We're named after that one dude, he's all gacked out, but it's OK. It's a cool name, and it's too good not to be stenciled, so...I :
  
• LPC: don't know what to doooo. :
  
• LPC: Do you maybe want to hear us for a second first? :
  
• SPEAKER_00: I don’t even know what the call is about. But you aren’t making any sense to me, and I’m really not interested. :
  
• LPC: We’re really trying to put a stencil together. :
  
• SPEAKER_00: I don’t understand what you’re calling us for. We’re a music distributor. I don’t know what you mean by a stencil. We don’t make stencils. :
  
• LPC: (Sound effects). We’re a new band. Let’s just come up there, and we’ll try to see what we can put together. Does that sound good? :
  
• SPEAKER_00: I’m not interested. I’m not following this story. I’m not interested. We’re a music distributor, we’re not a stencil maker. :
  
• LPC: Tweet Deacon. Do you like the name, at least? :
  
• LPC: Is this a joke? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I’m confused. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Crime, yes. What kind of do for you? :
  
• LPC: Yes sir. This is Detective Flannigan, the San Clemente Police Department. Ah, :
  
• LPC: What seems to be the trouble here today? :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Let me get a trace on the number. :
  
• LPC: On our number? What number you call on the end on? :
  
• LPC: I’m calling from the San Clemente Police Department. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: I don’t care! Wha, what’s the telephone number you’re calling me on? :
  
• LPC: It, it’s uh, private line, sir. For the police department. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Look! You can play all the fucking games you want, because you’re stupid. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Because I’m a police news reporter, and all we do, we got the same thing as the Harbor Division. :
  
• SPEAKER_01: Your number’s calling in is 213-1170, so stick it! :